The celebrity relationship death toll is high this year — Katy Perry and Russell Brand, Seal and Heidi Klum, and Zooey Dechanel and that singer from Death Cab for Cutie have all bitten the red carpet dust.
While mere mortals make do with a tub of Ben & Jerry's and worn out DVD of Dirty Dancing, celebrities play a different break-up game. With high disposable incomes, little personal responsibility and the paparazzi swarming like a plague of locusts, celebrity couples scatter across the globe like frightened wildebeest desperate to get away from each other. And post break up, celebrity vacations can be as predictable as the story lines on Glee.
1. The attention-seeking charity trip
You're a newly broken up and realise you need to do something that matters. Helping others with acts of kindness is a sign of growth, right? Of course, that's what the marketing people will tell you, especially if your divorce tarnishes your brand.
Best example: Kim Kardashian's recent trip to Haiti. What better way to fix your tarnished image than take some pictures of yourself with impoverished children and tweet about how much you care?
Honorary mentions: Lindsay Lohan's BBC documentary on child sex trafficking.
How you can do it: Volunteer through Volunteering Australia.
2. The holiday fling with a younger man
What will fill that empty gap in your billion-thread-count bed? A rebound fling! The best way to shake off a bad break up is to shimmy up to a toy-boy twenty years younger than you.
Best example: Jennifer Lopez. The singer, actress and reality TV star broke up with her third husband, Marc Anthony, and was snapped with her new piece on the beach in Hawaii. Amusingly in all the paparazzi photos he seemed more interested playing with her kids than her (guess the kids are closer to his age).
Honorary mentions: Delta Goodrem, 27, hooked up with Nick Jonas, 19, in Bali earlier this year after breaking her engagement to older man Brian McFadden.
How to do it: Tricky, but find a young backpacker and buy him a clean shirt and a meal.
3. The 'finding myself' spiritual journey
You've lost yourself to another broken relationship and need a self-esteem boost. You know — head somewhere spiritual away from all that indulgent Hollywood crap and find yourself at an Ashram in India (just like in that indulgent Hollywood movie you saw).
Best example: Tyra Banks. After recently breaking up with John Utendalh, Tyra Banks flew the coop to Bali for an Eat, Pray, Love-inspired holiday.
Honorary mention: Elisabeth Gilbert, the author who started the craze.
How to do it: Head to Ubud in the mountains of Bali and see medicine man Ketut Lyer, just like in the movie.
4. The last-ditch, let's-save-our-marriage trip
It's over. Everyone knows it (including the viewers of your crappy reality show). But all you need is a holiday, right? A holiday to that place you always talked about going to but never did? A trip there will fix everything, won't it? Um … no.
Best example: Nick Lachay and Jessica Simpson, stars of one of the first celebrity reality TV series, Newlyweds. Fans were treated to two seasons of their marriage unravelling for viewing pleasure. The two always talked about heading to Venice. In a last-ditch effort to save their marriage they went to the Italian city. The marriage failed anyway.
Honorary mentions: Prince Albert and Princess Charlene of Monaco's first days on honeymoon…when they stayed in separate hotels.
How to do it: Book a single room with two beds. Or better yet, separate rooms. Proceed to argue, then look at your iPhone instead of talking during meals. Bicker, much to the discomfort of everyone around you.
5. The tropical trip away from it all
The most yawn-inducing celebrity break-up vacation of all. Hotspots like Cabo San Lucas, Hawaii, The Riviera and St Tropez are littered with bikini-clad heart-broken celebs taking some R&R from their divorce news.
Best example: Katy Perry has been letting the cat of the bag with her kitty-inspired perfume line for years, but the canary flew the cage when she was photographed in a bikini looking glum sans wedding ring in Hawaii over Christmas. Days later, publicists announced a split from Russel Brand.
Honorary mentions: Katie Price fled to Ibiza for some quality time partying post break-up, with the paparazzi snapping her every messy, drunken move.
How to do it: Budget tropical getaway deals abound, but buyer beware: Hawaii and Fiji are full of honeymooners, so you best head somewhere like Thailand to dry your celeb-wannabe eyes.
